


dreamer

by Jellyfish42069



Category: Alternate Universe - Fandom, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Complete, Dreams vs. Reality, F/M, Future Fic, Love, Suicide Attempt, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:14:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 17,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29662989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jellyfish42069/pseuds/Jellyfish42069
Summary: dream·era person who dreams or is dreamingAmelia Sanderson feels that life is meaningless and there is nothing left for her, she tries to end her suffering by going to downing a bottle of pills. However the doctors are able to save her, and while she's asleep she has a dream about a boy and it felt real, too real. She shakes it off as if its nothing but each night as she falls asleep she is met with the same boy.Tom Holland AU
Relationships: Tom Holland/Original Female Character(s)





	1. Chapter 1

Amelia Sanderson grew up in a middle class family with 2 siblings, she was the middle child and was often forgotten in the mix. She was quiet and reserved, she preferred to stay in her room rather than go out and party like normal 18 year olds. She had issues with depression and anxiety for as long as she could remember, this prevented her from being 'normal' and fitting in with the other kids in her high school. She kept her head down and prayed that she wouldn't have to deal with any social interaction as it had festered into her biggest fear over the years. Amelia believed that there was nothing interesting about her, she was just another girl who had problems and nobody to help her, she had become a background character in everybody else's lives and it was quite lonely. Boys never talked to her because she had the reputation of being a 'sad bitch', ever since middle school they called her the name because one of the boys had seen a cut on her arm. Since then she kept away from people and they stayed far away from her, it was easier that way. Things at home were not great, though she was forgotten most times by her family, her parents were tough on her since she had decided against going to a university and chose to stay home and study at the local community college. They were never proud of her, she always had been a huge disappointment, where as her other 3 siblings all excelled in sports or school, she was good at being alone. 

-Tom Holland as Ashton Carter-


	2. Chapter 2

Trigger warning

Amelia Sanderson stands in the mirror with a million thoughts running through her head at once, she stares at her plain face for what seems like hours. Why did she feel like this? Like there's no hope. Things will never change, she will never be happy and has no clue what that even feels like. It was now or never, the whole house would be empty for at least the next hour and that was more than enough time to swallow her fathers bottle of pain medicine he had gotten from his knee surgery last month. She could finally have some peace, maybe she would be reincarnated into a new person or a flower, or maybe she would sleep for the rest of eternity. That seemed much nicer than continuing on her current path, completely alone with absolutely no one who loves her, sure her family loved her but did they truly care? She has no idea, they never seem to care about anything she does though they knew she struggled, she had reached out to her mother and asked for help once before. This was two years ago and all her mother had to say was 'get a job and go find yourself a therapist', and she then went on to comment about the girls weight and acne that had spread her face. She knew her mother means well, but all she wanted was for someone to understand that living her life is hard, she couldn't just pretend that every second of her existence wasn't hell because that would be a lie. She takes a deep breath and picks up the bottle of pills sitting on the white granite bathroom counter and looks at them one last time before opening the bottle and laying several in her hand. She picks up her glass and shoves as many pills as she can into her small mouth and takes a big drink of her water, finally allowing the tears to fall down her face as she repeats the process until the whole bottle is gone.

She falls to the floor sobbing as she feels her body urging her to throw up the pills, but she refuses and pushes her hair out of her face looking into space wondering what it will be like to finally die. She had been planning this for months, every last detail was written in her journal/ sketch book which she carried with her at all times. She made sure to write a small note explaining why she was doing this, she decided it would be best if she left out the part about feeling completely alone with nobody loving her. She still loves her family dearly and doesn't want them to be sad, but she knew that without her in their lives they would no longer have anymore disappointment, sure it would be a bit sad but they'd get over it. As the pills begin to kick in she can feel her brain growing more and more fuzzy and she lays down on her side with stray tears still coming out of her eyes. Her thoughts wander to her older brother Kaden, they were only a year apart and had been close growing up until she fell into her depression and he became the most popular guy in school. Though they hardly ever talked she was happy he wasn't home, she didn't want him to see this, she could just picture his disappointed face staring at her body before her vision turns black.

-

When Amelia opens her eyes the sound of knocking causes her to sit up and rub her head, she looks around and realizes that she is no longer in her bathroom but laying on a bed dressed up quite nice. What the hell is going on? She begins to panic and she runs to the bathroom looking at herself in the mirror, she sighs in relief when she sees her own face staring back. As she examined herself closer she realized that she looked a bit older? That couldn't be right, the last thing she remembers was taking the pills and falling to the floor in her house, maybe she's dead and this is a weird version of heaven. She is snapped out of her thoughts when the knocking at the door continues, she turns and tries to find her way around the random apartment and opens the door revealing a man holding flowers with a smile on his face

"hey Amelia"

"I'm sorry do I know you?" she asks extremely confused as to what was going on

"I'm sorry do I know you?" she asks extremely confused as to what was going on

"ha funny, you look beautiful"

"thank you? um do you mind just telling me, who are you and what is going on?" she asks starting to freak out a bit, maybe this was hell and she was about to be tortured by this cute boy for the rest of eternity.

"are you feeling ok? have you been taking your medication?" he asks walking into the apartment past her and leading her to the coach, he sits next to her and places a hand on her forehead while she looks at him in horror

"medication? what the hell is going on? where am I?" she yells smacking his hand from her head if this was hell she'd rather just get on with it instead of prolong everything.

"ok well you don't have a fever but you seem to be experiencing memory loss which is very common when one goes off their meds, when was the last time you took them?"

"I can't remember" she says honestly

"theres your problem, Amelia I may be your date tonight but I am still your doctor and I'm telling you right now that you have to take your meds. Lupus is dangerous and its not something to mess with" he says handing her one of the pills along with a glass of water, she looks at it curiously before taking it

"Lupus, isn't that what Selena Gomez has" she asks

"yeah it is, and you have it too so stop messing around I'd prefer to keep you around"

"sorry" she says looking into the mans face

"well maybe it would be better if we didn't go out tonight huh?"

"I mean we can if you want to, I feel fine just a bit confused" she says not wanting him to leave, since he seemed to know what the hell was happening to her

"alright but if you start to feel sick then we'll come back"

"ok that sounds good" she says standing up and following the man out of the apartment she assumed was hers.


	3. Chapter 3

"so would you mind just starting at the beginning? I'm really lost" Amelia says looking at the man she was sitting across, who she had learned was called Ashton, Ashton Carter. She felt bad as he dragged her to quite literally the nicest restaurant she'd ever seen in her life, he clearly had money but she felt guilty for not being able to pay, of course he reminded her that this was a date though she couldn't remember him asking her out on it.

"I first met you when you were sent to my hospital and you were assigned as my patient, you were showing a high fever and severe joint pain, your brother informed me that you'd been experiencing memory loss recently and you had the signature lupus rash on your face so I began treating you"

"so you're a doctor? you seem a bit young" She says taking a sip of the wine that was served moments before, though she had no idea if she was of age

"you said that same thing when we first met, and I'll say to you now what I said then, I have a young face but don't worry I have gone through all of the proper training, you're in good hands" he says and she laughs

"what's my profession?"

"you're an author, you've been working on a book for as long as I've known you"

"wow, I always wanted to be an author" she says with a small smile

"so do you have anymore questions?"

"what happened to my family?" she asks

"well I've only met you're older brother Kaden and the teenager Brooklyn but I believe the rest of your family lives in California"

"California? They moved, why would they do that?" she asks confused, they always talked about growing old in Washington

"well from what you told me, they were upset about the essay you wrote about them, the one that went viral so they left. Kaden dropped out of school so you would have someone to take care of you and Brooklyn lives with him so she wouldn't have to leave her friends"

"wow he did that for me?"

-

"Ashton I'm sorry I ruined our date tonight by asking a million questions, next time I'll make sure to take my meds so we don't have this problem"

"don't worry about it, I still had a great time" he says with a smile as he walks her up to her apartment

"me too" she says honestly holding the keys in her hands

"we should do this again, that is if you want to if you don't then its totally fine and we can just-"

"I'd love to, I'm assuming you have my number text me" she says with a blush covering her face

"yeah, yep, sounds great I'll see you soon haha"

"goodnight" she says

"yeah goodnight, sleep tight" he says awkwardly before sending her one last killer smile and walking down the hall. She closes the door gently and takes off the heels she'd been wearing cursing at them before walking over to her room and looking around. There was pictures of Kaden, Brooklyn and her doing various things and they all seemed happy, which was odd considering last she could remember Brooklyn hated her and Kaden hardly ever looked her way. She spots a laptop on her bed and walks over and opens it, she goes to google and types her name in hoping to shed some light on what the hell happened between her suicide attempt and now. She finds a news article dedicated to herself and clicks on it

Amelia Sanderson

Author

(2018- Present)

Amelia Sanderson is a young author, she is well known for her essay 'why I tried to commit suicide', which she wrote at the age of 18 just days after attempting to commit suicide. She talks about her experience with anxiety, and depression. This essay was a major hit and was a real spotlight into the world of depression, she shed light on the truth of it all, including her family's ignorance towards her feelings. Sanderson won several awards from the essay and is recognized as one of the best writers of her generation. Amelia now 21, resides in Seattle Washington, sources say that she has been working on a book for quite some time now. After being diagnosed with Lupus the young talent has taken some much deserved time off, however we are all hoping that she will get better so we can see what is next to come in her story.

The tears fall down her face as she shuts the laptop and places it on the ground, there was no way she had written something like that. Sure she held a bit of anger towards her family for ignoring her obvious pain but writing a whole essay dragging them? That was not something she cold picture herself doing, but since that happened this must mean that this is real? She must have survived just like the article said and now the reason why she's confused is because of her Lupus. It made sense, she hadn't taken her meds according to Ashton and memory loss is a common symptom of Lupus, so maybe she wasn't in hell after all. She was just confused due to her irresponsibility, thats all. She sighs and lays back on the bed looking back up at the ceiling, everything was ok and when she wakes up in the morning it would all be normal.

-

Amelia opens her eyes and is struck with blinding lights, she groans and lifts her arms to cover her face but they feel like jello. After a few moments her eyes adjust to the light and she takes in her surroundings, this was not the apartment she fell asleep in, she was now in a white hospital. She sits up and begins to panic as she notices her parents sitting in the chairs next to her bed, they wake up as her heart rate causes several alarms to go off and several nurses rush into the room and grab her trying to calm her down. 

"Amelia its ok you're awake"

"it was a dream? it felt so real" she asks

"you were asleep for almost two days sweetie, do you remember what happened?" a nurse asks

"I tried to kill myself" she mumbles

"thats right, now why don't you take a deep breath and drink some fluids for me ok? And I'll be back in a second with the doctor" she says before walking out of the room

"Amelia what were you thinking?" her mom asks standing up and walking over to the side of her bed

"I was sad and I didn't wanna do it anymore"

"do what live? you have a good life, a roof over your head and food whenever you want it" her mom says angrily

"you don't understand mom"

"Cleary, now if you ever do that again I will kill you myself do you understand?" she says angrily

"yes"

"you're selfish" she says before taking her seat once again


	4. Chapter 4

Amelia sits on her bed writing the last of the dream she had before she woke up In her journal. Ever since then she couldn't stop thinking about it, the whole thing was so real unlike anything she'd ever experienced before. Of course she had dreams but never like that, and they boy he was so real, she was sad that it was only a dream because he seemed to like her genuinely. His face was stuck in her head, and his words seemed to replay over and over, normally the people in dreams are based off of people in real life but she'd never seen anyone who looked like him otherwise she would have remembered. There was no guy in her life that had ever taken any sort of interest in her, so where he came from she had no idea. She sighs and flips the page of her journal and begins to draw him, Ashton was his name and for some reason she could still remember every single detail of his face, and after a few hours she is sitting on her bed staring at the boy from her dreams sadly. It looked exactly like him, not one detail was missing. For some reason looking at him made her sad, though it was just a dream she felt the need to see him again, it was like she missed him. Jesus she sounded like a mental patient, who the hell talks like this? She just needed to forget about it and get some rest, hopefully a good nap would take her mind off of Doctor Ashton Carter and the fact that she almost committed suicide only two days prior.

-

"wake up hoe you're gonna be late for you're appointment" the voice of none other than Brooklyn Sanderson calls out. Amelia shoots up and looks around realizing that she was once again in the random apartment this time with her two siblings standing in her room staring at her

"what the hell?" she says rubbing her face, this has to be a prank where was Ashton Kutcher when she needed him?

"get up you can't be late to see you're cute doctor boyfriend" Brooklyn says happily sitting on her bed

"he's not my boyfriend"

"oh sorry you went on a date, speaking of spill it"

"Brooke calm down she'll talk about it if she wants, just kidding tell us right now so we know what the room is gonna be like when we go in" Kaden says sitting backwards in her chair and looking up at her with a smirk

"well he came over and I hadn't taken my pills in a while so I had really bad memory loss so we went out to dinner and he spent the whole time explaining to me what was going on" she says

"what the hell? why aren't you taking your pills Amelia?" Kaden yells

"I don't know, I guess I've been really confused lately I don't know what the hell is going on"

"thats because you aren't taking your meds! Jesus how many times have we talked about this" he says running his hands through his hair

"a lot I guess" she mumbles

"if you don't start taking care of yourself Brooke and I are gonna have to move in, is that what you want?"

"no I really don't want that at all"

"then take your damn pills, you aren't a child" he says before walking out of the room angrily

"for the record I wouldn't mind living here" Brooke says taking Amelia by surprise, she couldn't remember the last time her younger sister had been nice to her, she smiles and walks to the bathroom to get ready for her appointment which she had no clue about.

-

"good- moring everybody how are my favorite gingers?" Ashton asks walking into the hospital room holding a clipboard. Amelia about dies when she sees him, it was like he was only confirming she was going crazy, he looked exactly like she remembered. He wore glasses and a white coat with a white dress shirt underneath it, and he looked amazing.

"good how are you?" Kaden asks

"great, now Amelia we have your blood tests back and everything looks good but we do have to discuss your medication"

"she hasn't been taking it" Brooke says and she turns and glares at her sister who shrugs her shoulders

"yes I am aware, now how are we gonna fix that?"

"I could start taking them from now on?" she says shrugging her shoulders

"yeah that would be great, but how are we gonna insure that you actually take them?"

"I'll come over in the morning before work and make sure she takes them" Kaden says

"Kaden you don't have to do that" she says sincerely

"you need to take your meds this isn't a game, besides its on the way to Brooke's school anyways" he says and she nods instantly feeling guilty that he has to take time out of his day to take care of her. She turns to see Brooke staring at them both angrily she mouths 'sorry' before turning her attention back to Ashton.

"ok that's perfect, next time I see you I expect better ok?" Ashton says looking at her seriously

"I'll take them I promise"

"good, now would you two excuse me I have to have a conversation with my patient" he says looking at her siblings, they nod and as they walk out Brooke's mouth drops and she mouths 'get it'

"what did you wanna talk to me about?" she asks once they exit the room, he sighs and takes a seat on the bed

"I get lots of patients who come in here and make empty promises, and you can't be one of them, Lupus is a very serious illness and doesn't give second chances. I need you to do better because I don't want to lose you" he says looking into her eyes

"you won't, Ashton when I make a promise I mean it ok I promise you that I'll take my medicine"

"good, look I have a patent waiting on me but I'd like to get together again if thats alright with you"

"I would love that, actually I was gonna watch the Seahawks game this Sunday if you'd like to join she says blushing

"to be honest love I am a Browns fan, I hate the Hawks but I would watch a full game just to be with you"

"aww" she responds feeling an overwhelming amount of joy in her chest at his words

"I'm on call until tomorrow night but after that can I text you?"

"yes"

"great, I'll do that then have a great day and take your pills" he says pointing at her one last time before walking out of the room

"what did he say spill it right now" Brooke says running into the room

"he said that I can't make him an empty promise because he doesn't want to lose me"

"oh my god Amelia he's literally in love with you"

"Jesus Brooke we had one date" she says

"ok but when you get married I'm gonna say I called it"

-

"wake up right now young lady!" the voice of her mother snaps causing her to open her eyes, ok now she was really confused. She was dreaming again? How is that even possible, to dream a sequel that is weirdly accurate and scarily realistic? She hated not understanding what the holy hell was going on, something weird had to be going on because from what she knew about dreams theres always something wrong, for example she would have an extra finger or whoever she was talking to would be way to short or too tall. Also dreams don't continue when you fall asleep, you don't pick up where you leave off from the previous night so all of this had to mean something else right? Theres no way it was real, maybe she was really going crazy.

"Amelia now!"

"ok mom" she says sitting up, she looks over to her bedside table and notices her journal sitting there, she grabs it and begins writing about what had just happened in her vivid dream, once she had every single detail down she draws a quick sketch of Ashton in his glasses and coat before getting up and getting ready for class.


	5. Chapter 5

"so Amelia how was class today?" her father asks as he shoves another piece of chicken into his mouth. She looks up at him in shock as she usually sits at the dinner table in complete silence and eats her food as quickly as possible in order to get away from her family.

"um it was good" she mumbles

"anything interesting happen?" he asks, she looks up at him with a small smile on her face just this small question was enough to fill her heart with a bit of joy, maybe he did care

"well my professor was talking about the quadratic formula and this kid just got up and left the class out of nowhere"

"wow he did? what did the professor say?" he asks seeming genuinely interested

"she was like-"

"Brooklyn how did your test go?" her mother interrupts, not bothering to spare her a glance

"it was good I think I got a B"

"ok well you'll have to go in and retake that and get it up to an A tomorrow" she says with a frown, Amelia sets her fork down on the table and looks at her mother angrily

"one B isn't gonna kill your GPA Brooke, it matters in high school but getting a B in middle school is fine" she says looking at her sister who turns and stares at her in shock

"well one B will turn into another one and then eventually you'll be a B student and going to a community college rather than a university because you didn't work hard enough" her mother says, this causes something inside of Amelia to snap and she stands up from the table causing everyone to look at her in shock

"sit down Amelia"

"I'm done" she says before walking out of the room and taking a seat on the steps to hear what her mother would say next, because there was always something else

"mom that was really mean" she hears Brooke say

"well Bradley I hope you locked up your pills like I asked you too"

"thats it I'm done too" Brooke says standing up and walking out of the room, as her sister walks up the stairs she gives her a small nod in appreciation. After a few minutes she leaves her spot on the steps and walks up the steps, she passes Brooke's room and stops deciding that she should probably say something. She knocks on the door gently before opening it revealing Brooke sitting at her desk working on homework like always

"hey"

"what?" she asks annoyed

"I just wanted to say thank you for what you said to mom" she says sitting on her bed and looking around her room which is filled with academic awards

"well she was being a bitch"

"yeah but are you surprised?" she asks and Brooke laughs

"defiantly not"

"hey Brooke?"

"hmm"

"have you ever had a dream that felt real? like so real that you couldn't tell it was a dream until you woke up?" she asks

"yeah everybody has those"

"yeah you're right" she says shaking her head

"why?" Brooke asks looking at her curiously

"oh um I've just been having these really crazy dreams ever since... its kinda scary"

"what are they about?"

"my life but almost like its the future? I don't know" she says

"weird maybe you're going crazy" she says making Amelia laugh

"probably, well anyways thats all goodnight" she says, Brooke just smiles

She sends her sister a small smile back and closes the door gently before walking into her own room next door. She sighs and changes into her pajamas before sitting on her bed and reading over the two dreams she'd had so far, maybe she was losing her mind, or maybe everyone has dreams like this. She huffs angrily and looks down at the picture of Ashton which she had drawn that morning and runs her finger over it. Maybe if she went to sleep right now she'd see him again, no that's crazy. Sure it happened twice but theres no way this is a thing now, it just wasn't possible right?

-

"wake up!"

"what?" Amelia says shooting up and opening her eyes, she looks around and realizes she's in a car parked in front of a school with her sister staring at her with a worried look on her face. No fucking way was this happening again

"Jesus you scared me" Brooke says reaching forward and pressing a hand to her head

"sorry I must have just fallen asleep"

"well you don't have a fever should I call Kaden? can you drive? I can if you need me too I've been practicing a lot and I'm pretty good" she says

"Brooke I'm fine, and let me just say that you will never drive my car"

"why you don't trust me?"

"no not at all" she says before pulling onto the street

"so are you excited about tonight?" Brooke asks looking at her happily

"whats tonight?"

"did you not take your meds again?" she asks

"no I did I just have a lot going on right now its hard to keep track of things"

"its your second date with your hot doctor" she says

"oh shit thats tonight?"

"yep you're going for ice cream and you know what I'm willing to bet anything that he's gonna kiss you tonight" 

"what no he's not" she says picturing his lips, man it would be amazing though he seemed like he'd be a really good kisser, not that she'd know due to the fact that no member of the opposite sex had ever spared her a glance.

"he's into you!

"no I think he just doesn't want me to-"

"don't even finish that sentence, you always do this you convince yourself that for some reason a guy isn't into you and then you write him off. Stop It ok you're worth it so stop bitching and lets get you ready because he's coming at 4"

-

"are you sure you're gonna be ok alone?" Amelia asks sending her sister 'help me' eyes, she was way too nervous to go out on this date, she still didn't understand exactly what was happening and she didn't want to get invested if this was just some weird three time thing.

"I'm completely fine, I already ordered uber eats with your card it'll be here in an hour so go have fun kids you deserve it" Brooke says pushing her sister out of the door gently

"call if you need anything" Amelia says glaring at her sister before walking out of the door and following Ashton who yells a quick goodbye to the younger girl.

"Ms. Sanderson are you ready to taste the best ice cream you've ever had in your entire life?" Ashton asks as he opens his car door for her. She smiles and thanks him and watches as he runs to the drivers side and gets in and starts the car, which happened to be a black Tesla which was the exact car she had always wanted. With a sudden burst of confidence she smirks

"thats a bold statement doctor" she says and he looks at her with a smile, she didn't know where that came from but she figured that if this was gonna be something that happened every time she slept then she mine as well have fun

"well as I am a doctor I am qualified to make an official statement saying that this place has the best ice cream in all of Seattle"

"as long as they have caramel butter pecan I'll be happy" she says watching as he turns down a road that she'd never seen before

"ew what? I might have to turn around because that's gross"

"what do you mean its the best" she laughs

"wow ok that one really shook me to my core I have a lot of work to do, but don't worry I'll convert you"

"convert me to what?" she asks rolling her eyes

"vanilla with sprinkles baby"

"what are you kidding me? thats so boring!" she says laughing, trying to ignore the feeling she got in her chest when he said 'baby'

"thats because you haven't had the right type, don't worry I'm here to provide the best"

"ok I trust you" she says making him smile

-

"ok so what do you think?" he asks as she takes a bite of his vanilla with sprinkles and leaning forward covering his mouth looking at her expectedly

"you know its really good for a the most basic type of ice cream there is"

"ohh come on" he says laughing

"ok in all seriousness this is the best vanilla ice cream with sprinkles I've ever had"

"see I told you!"

"but I still can't say that mine doesn't blow it out of the park I mean the caramel and the pecans its a masterpiece!" she says doing a chefs kiss sigh making him laugh as they finish their ice creams and walk to his car, he opens the door for her again and then they drive back to her place

"well lets just agree to disagree then"

"ok" she says giggling

"I'm sorry that we couldn't have gone out to dinner but my next shift starts tomorrow morning and I'm on call right now"

"thats alright, I had a lot of fun and I found my new favorite ice cream shop" she says with a smile as he parks in front of her apartment

"let me walk you up" he says hopping out and opening her door for her again, he grabs her hand and helps her out of the car and as they walk up to her apartment neither of them feels the need to let go. It felt so natural holding his hand, like she was meant to. As they make it to her door she fumbles with her keys not really wanting him to leave just yet when his phone rings loudly

"oh sorry I have to answer this one second" he says stepping away and turning his back, as she waits her sister opens the door just a bit

"what are you doing get back in there" Amelia whispers

"kiss him" she whispers back before closing the door,

"hey I'm so sorry that was the hospital I have to go" he says with a sad look on his face

"thats alright, go save lives goodnight" she says before walking into her apartment and closing the door gently. She sighs and kicks her heels off and looks at Brooke who is peached up on the coach looking at her

"you should of just said screw it and kissed him before he left!" Brooke says

"well the hospital called I didn't wanna make him late they clearly need him"

"ok and one of you needs to grow a pair" Brooke says rolling her eyes

"funny" she says flipping her sister off, they sit in silence until a loud knock echos through the apartment. They both jump and look at each other

"coming" she says walking over to the door, she opens it revealing Ashton who seems a bit out of breath

"hey-" he cuts her off by kissing her gently, she gasps in shock but kisses back and places her hand on his cheek as his find their way to her waist.

She had never felt anything like this before, as he held she felt like she matters for the first time. In this moment she knew that if this was a dream she never wanted it to end, because for the very first time since she was born her life was perfect. All of her anxiety and her dark thoughts seemed to leave every time he was near, like it was his super power. After a few moments he pulls away and looks into her eyes "ok now I really have to go"

"ok" she says softly

"goodnight Amelia"

"goodnight Ashton" she says before backing up into her apartment and closing the door, she leans against it and touches her lips with a smile

"I told you" Brooke says excitedly


	6. Chapter 6

A few weeks had passed since she had woken up from that amazing dream and things were starting to turn up. Her mother had stopped her constant nagging and seemed to have given up, and her father was talking to her more so than usual, he would ask her how her day went every night at dinner. Her and Brooke were talking more than they ever had, it would be small things like help on homework or her asking for rides but it was much better than how it was before. From what she had gathered up until this point every time she slept she would wake up and live in this other world, one where she had a cute boyfriend and a real relationship with her siblings. Sometimes she would wake up in the middle of talking to someone and it would be hard to figure out what had happened and where she was. It was odd because time seemed to work differently in her dreams, it moved much faster. It had only been a week since the first time she'd entered the dream, however inside the dream it had been almost a two months had since Ashton kissed her. Keeping track of time was hard for her, so in order to make sure she wasn't confused she began writing everything down in her journal in the dream every day before going to bed. She knew that a version of herself existed when she was awake and the trick seemed to work, every time she woke up Amelia would figure out the date and read all of the diary entry's. She was no longer scared when she woke up in the apartment, she was happy, everyday after she woke up all she wanted to do was go back to sleep. Needless to say her sleep schedule was thriving. After a long and boring Saturday Amelia was more than ready to hit the hay and live her perfect life when a knock at her door interrupts her nighttime routine.

"Amelia" the voice of her brother says from the other side of the door, she frowns in confusion and walks over to the door opening him standing in her doorway

"what are you doing here?"

"I dropped out" he says

"what why?"

"because mom kept calling me and freaking out about you and I was sick of it so I'm here are you happy now?" he says sitting on her bed and running his hands through his hair, she looks at him in shock

"no I'm not happy I don't need you to take care of me I'm perfectly capable so just go back"

"no you're not because people who know how to take care of themselves don't down a whole bottle of pain pills" he yells standing up to face her

"you don't know what you're talking about that was a long time ago I'm fine now"

"bullshit Amelia! you're not fine according to mom all you do is stay in your bed and sleep!" he yells

"you don't understand" she mumbles feeling the tears fill her blue eyes, she always hated fighting with Kaden as he was the one who basically raised her. Even when they no longer talked he still watched out for her and made sure she was ok

"you're so fucking selfish I mean seriously how could you do that to us? especially after Danny" he says making her heart ache at the sound of her little brother who had died when they were younger

"for once I wasn't thinking about anyone else but myself, I wanted to be at peace but then I woke up"

"you have a great life!" he screams

"no you have a great life! you're the one with a million friends and a football scholarship, you've never had an ounce of anxiety or depression because you're everyones fucking golden boy! They forgot about me, they put me to the side like I was nothing. you wouldn't understand because they loved you, I was just there in the background do you know how fucking lonely that is?! to feel like you don't matter?"

"thats not true" he says softly with tears in his eyes but he quickly wipes them away

"ever since that day mom has never looked at me the same, she hates me"

"you know it wasn't your fault he Danny died"

"yes it was! I'm the one that looked away for a second, I'm the one that had to tell the cops that I wasn't watching him, I'm the one who's had to live with that everyday! I grew up knowing that I'm the reason he was hit by that car, if I had only watched him for a second more but I was too focused on barbies. Every single day is hell, all I wanted was some peace" she says crying

"Amelia" he says reaching out to her

"just leave" she mumbles sitting on her bed and wiping her tears, when she hears the door close she sighs and slips under her covers cuddling into her warm blanket before drifting off to sleep.

-

A knock at her door causes her to open her eyes, she groans and stretches her arms before hopping out of bed and running to the door ignoring the face that she's only wearing a long sleeved white shirt and pajama shorts. She opens the door and Ashton walks in holding coffee and bagels with a smile on his face. "good morning beautiful how are you feeling?"

"good how are you?" she asks following him to the kitchen and taking one of her pills

"great, now here is your breakfast and pick me up you got a big day today"

"thank you so much I needed this, Ash remind me what the plan is" she says siping her coffee and spreading cream cheese on her bagel

"we are going to brunch with Kaden and his girlfriend pretty soon so you might wanna get ready"

"right Kaden" she mumbles remembering the fight she had just gotten into with him in her real life. She takes the last bite of her bagel before walking to her bedroom and throwing on some jeans and a hoodie, she sits on her bed and starts reading over her journal.

3-2-18

Kaden and I went to a coffee shop and had a nice day, he told me about his new girlfriend Mia who he seems to really like. I'm happy for him, he needs a girl like her in his life so that way he can stop freaking out over my stuff. also lunch with Kaden and Mia

~Amelia

As she reads the words tears fill her eyes once again, the Kaden in her dream was so much easier to get along with, though he worried all the time and tried to baby her constantly. She regretted the fight and everything that was said, she never should have told him about Danny, he never should have been brought up in the first place. It was an unspoken rule in their family to never talk about the day when Amelia was supposed to be watching her younger brother Danny, she turned for a second to pick up her barbie doll and he ran into the street to chase after a ball. She wanted to apologize because he was right, she couldn't just leave her family especially after what they went through with Danny, regardless of how much she suffered.

"hey whats wrong?" Ashton's voice says snapping her out of her thoughts, she looks up at him and smiles wiping her tears

"nothing"

"you can talk to me Ame" he says walking over to her and grabbing her hands pulling her to her feet

"I got into a fight with Kaden and I said some things I shouldn't have"

"its gonna be ok because he's your brother and he loves you" he says pulling her into a hug as more tears fall down her face, she wraps her arms around him and cries letting out everything she had been feeling for the last couple weeks

"I'm here for you Lia, always don't ever forget that" he whispers in her ear before kissing her cheek and continuing to rub her back while she cries.


	7. Chapter 7

"hey everybody sorry I'm late" Ashton says walking into the hospital room and looking at his girlfriend sadly

"its ok, now whats the news? please tell me its an easy fix because I'm so tired I just need to nap" Amelia says sitting in the hospital bed still dressed up in the gown

"after watching you for the past week and noting your symptoms, you've been nauseous, extremely fatigued, you've been going to the bathroom much more than is normal, and you've complained of back pain. I decided to run a two tests, Urinalysis is a screen of protein and blood in the urine and the other one is Serum Creatinine and it tells us if theres creatinine building up in your blood, and unfortunately they both came back positive with alarmingly high numbers" he says sitting on her bed and grabbing her hand

"so what does that mean?"

"it means that your kidney failure, and we have to get you on the transplant list immediately"

"what? how did this happen?" Kaden interrupts

"its unfortunate thing that happens to patients with Lupus, you see her immune system is attacking her tissues and organs" Ashton explains

"excuse me" Kaden says standing up and walking out of the room

"we need to get you on the list, I have that papers here you just need to sign them and while we wait we can have your friends and family tested to see if they're a match"

"ok" she says signing the paper

"Amelia listen to me its gonna be ok I'll be here every step of the way" he says grabbing her hands

"I know"

"when Kaden gets back we'll test him for compatibility and then we'll go from there ok?"

"ok" she says with a small smile on her face, she reaches up and pulls him closer kissing his cheek

"Dr. Carter I have your results in" a nurse says walking into the room and handing him a piece of paper

"great thank you" he says reading over it with a frown

"whats that?" she asks

"I ran a test on myself but we are not compatible"

"you were gonna give me your kidney?" she asks

"yeah of course"

"wow I don't even know what to say"

"you don't have to say anything, now I'm so sorry but I have to get going before I'm late for my surgery" he says

"ok well good luck, are you gonna come over tonight?"

"yeah I'm on call so I'll check up on you when I can"

"wait what?" she asks

"baby you have to stay here you're too sick to leave"

"are you kidding me?" she groans

"I'm sorry"

"hey at least I get to hang with you all day right?"she asks trying to lighten the mood

"right, now get some sleep I'll be back later" he says kissing her quickly before walking out of the room.

-

Amelia opens her eyes to find herself cuddled up in her blankets in her room, she sighs and rolls over onto her side thinking about her dream. Was she dying? Kidney failure is kind of a big deal, from what she knew from watching Grey's Anatomy for years there are more people that die waiting on the transplant list than any other organ donation. If she died in her dream would she still get to see Ashton? All these thoughts plagued her as she got up and went about her day, rather than pay attention in class all she could think about was never seeing Ashton again. That was completely out of the question at this point, he wanted to donate his own kidney to her theres no way she could let him go because at this point in her life he was the only thing that provided her with real happiness. After she returned home from class she made sure to walk straight to her room ignoring every member of her family. She sits on her bed and begins to write about last nights dream when she notices a note on her desk, she walks over to it and sees a pack of sour patch kids along with a pink sticky note that read 'I'm sorry'. She smiles and grabs a note of her own writing 'me too' and walking it into his empty room, she teen opens the sour patch kids and dumps half of them ontop of the note as they were his favorite candy as well. Maybe things were gonna be ok in her real life as well?


	8. Chapter 8

"wait so he asked you to homecoming on Wednesday and now he's saying that he doesn't wanna go?" Amelia asks her sister who is sitting across from her on her hospital bed texting a douche bag about the dance that was supposed to take place that Friday

"yeah I mean how fucked is that? he can't just ask me and then tell me the day of the dance that its not the move anymore I mean what the hell?"

"don't even worry about him Brookie, just go hang with your friends and have a good time because men ain't shit" she says grabbing her sisters hand and sending her a reassuring smile

"well I hope I'm an exception" Ashton says walking into the room

"of course you are baby, I was just referring to all of the gross high school boys"

"did something happen?" he asks taking a seat in the chair next to her bed

"the guy who asked me out to homecoming just canceled last minute"

"sorry to hear that Brooke, but can I let you in on a secret?" Ashton says sitting on the chair next to his girlfriends bed, Brooke raises her eye brows at him and he continues

"you don't need a guy to take you, go with your friends actually have fun"

"thats a good idea, you could go with that girl you always talk about, Katie?" Amelia says

"I don't talk about her that much, and I don't even know what her plan is so"

"then ask!" Ashton says

"ok you're right I'll go call her" she says before walking out of the room leaving the couple alone for the first time in days. He takes this opportunity to replace Brooke and sit on the bed grabbing her cold hands

"hi" she says blushing, she knew damn well that she looked rough but he never seemed to care

"hi, how are you feeling?"

"good actually" she says

"listen I don't have much time I just wanted to stop by real quick and check up on you and do this" he says leaning forward and connecting their lips, the girl smiles and brings her hand to his hair loving the feeling of him against her. The two jump apart when Kaden enters the room clearly unraveling at the seems, he always had control issues, and the fact that he could not do anything to help his sister was driving him insane. This was a lot more serious than he thought and it was scaring him to death, what would happen if she couldn't' find a match?

"Kaden are you ok man?" Ashton asks standing from the bed and placing a hand on his shoulder

"yeah of course"

"you don't need to lie" Amelia pipes up, her brother turns and opens his mouth to speak when Brooke walks back in with a smile on her face

"Katie said she'd come with me"

"thats awesome Brookie"

"ok well I think I should go do my job now before I get in trouble, but I'll come back after my rounds" Ashton says smiling at the siblings before walking out of the room to go take care of his other patients. Kaden takes a seat next to his sisters bed and leans his head against the wall as a million thoughts rush through his head

"out with it Kaden"

"what?"

"dude you're literally going crazy we can all see it" Brooke comments crossing her arms

"what is it?"

"maybe I'm worried that I'm the only one freaking out here, I mean Amelia you seem like you couldn't care less about this whole thing and its serious. I am not going crazy you guys just aren't understanding the severity of the situation"

"I am worried"

"you don't act like it"

"I am, truth be told I'm terrified that I'm not gonna get better and one day I won't wake up, and I'll never get to come back here. But I'm trying very hard not to dwell on my current state because I know it could be worse and I'm grateful to have you both here supporting me. In a weird way this is the scariest thing I've ever been through but also the happiest I've felt in my entire life" the girl admits

"I can tell, and its all thanks to your cute doctor. Imagine what would have happened if you didn't listen to me"

"Brookie its not just him, its having you two here with me. I really love you guys and I promise I'm gonna start making more of an effort"

"what do you mean?"

"it doesn't matter" Amelia says before turning and pulling her sister into a hug, she reaches out and grabs Kaden's hand holding it tightly as the three of them sit together.

-

Amelia woke up the next morning with an agenda, she would make sure to improve her relationship with her siblings. Maybe that would be the first step in real happiness, she would have to get her real life together if this was going to continue. The girl gets up from her bed and puts a fresh pair of clothes on, she admires her cute outfit in her mirror before walking out of her room and down the stairs. She finds both of her siblings sitting next to each other at the table eating and walks over to them, earning odd looks as she never dressed cute. She had never felt good enough to put effort into anything.

"woah whats going on? have we entered a parallel universe?" Brooke asks

"I guess I'm in a good mood today"

"never thought I'd ever hear those words"

"thanks Brooke, now how do you guys feel about a sibling day? we could go get ice cream and eat it at the park like we used to"

"that sounds fun" Kaden says nodding

"I don't know if I can be seen in public with both of you at one time, it might ruin my reputation"

"Brooke go get dressed"

A half hour later Amelia sits on a swing with her belly full due to the ice cream she had just eaten. Kaden sits next to her as they both watch Brooke try the monkey bars laughing as she slips off of them. She was feeling truly happy on this day, it was like the sun was finally shining in her world rather than it just being all rain. After a few minutes Amelia pulls out her journal and begins writing about her dream, she doesn't seem to notice when her older brother leans over and watches her draw her daily Ashton picture. When she finally realizes his gaze she gasps and shuts the book holding it to her chest

"who was that?"

"nobody" she shrugs

"Amelia I'm not an idiot"

"good for you?"

"who was that guy?"

"he's just someone I see around sometimes" she mumbles opening the book back up and sketching his cute doctor coat

"is he the reason you seem to be happier lately?"

"maybe"

"well tell him I say thanks" he says making her laugh

"I will never do that"

"Happiness looks good on you Lia"


	9. Chapter 9

Time seemed to flow by easily as Amelia now had something to look forward to. Every night she would spend a bit of time with her family before sneaking up to her bedroom and going to sleep, usually around eight she would fall asleep and enter her fairy tail dream land. It was odd, she still could not figure out how in the hell this was happening but she couldn't complain. However lately the more she slept the harder it was to get back to her dream, sometimes she would fall asleep and she would have normal dreams, similar to the ones she had before her attempt. Now she figured out that she needed to be in a deep sleep in order to get back there and it had been getting increasingly hard to pull off. So she began taking her fathers sleeping pills, just a half of one was enough for her to spend the entire night in her dream and it was perfect. After she had awoken from a cute date that Ashton took her on the girl stretches the muscles in her body before getting up and taking a seat at her desk, she wrote about the entire nights events and smiles as she remembered something he had mentioned to her, he had gotten extremely heated about the Seattle Seahawks football team and informed her that he would rather die than watch a game of theres. The thought was funny, he lived in Seattle yet hated their team, however she didn't care she was falling for him. After a few minutes of drawing she looks at the newest drawing of Ashton, he had cut his hair shorter so it wasn't as fluffy as it used to be, she gave him a bit go grief about it but overall loved the change, nothing would look bad on him. 

"Lia you up?" Kadens voice asks 

"yeah"

"breakfast is ready"

"alright I'll be down" she says placing her journal back in her desk underneath her books, she slides a pair of sweats on before walking downstairs and taking a seat listening as they all spoke about the game the night before. She fights to keep a smile off of her face 

"Amelia what is so funny?" her mother asks

"nothing I was just thinking"

"well we need to talk to you about something anyway" her dad says 

"whats up?"

"so I've noticed that quite a few of my sleeping pills have been taken from the bottle and everybody else Denys involvement"

"oh yeah I took them sorry I forgot to tell you" 

"is there something you wanna talk about? anything bothering you at school?" her dad asks softly, she looks up at him feeling her heart break, she hadn't considered how bad that would look. They were worried she would try to OD on pills again

"I'm not trying to kill myself I just have had trouble sleeping"

"ok, thats fine just make sure you let one of us know before you do something like that again ok?"

"I will, I'm sorry for scaring you" she says feeling guilty

"its alright sweetie don't worry about it"

-

After Amelia had her classes she decided to swing by Starbucks to grab a coffee, she had finals coming up and she needed to stay up and study. After she orders her drink she walks over tot he other side and waits for her order when a few familiar girls enter and order their own drinks. She stares over at them trying to place their faces when one of the girls with curly dark hair walks over to her and smiles "hey Amelia right?

"yeah"

"we have Soc together, I'm Jackie"

"oh yeah of course, nice to meet you Jackie"

"are you ready for the final?"

"I think I'll be ok but I'm still gonna study, what about you?" she asks

"same the concepts aren't too hard, but studying is awful I hate it"

"me too, theres nothing fun about it"

"we could study together if you want" Jackie asks, the girl smiles as she feels taken aback, she never had a friend before. Most people just made fun of her

"I would love to"

"great, do you mind if my friends come? they are just gonna chill while we study"

"thats totally fine"

"cool lets go"

-

After a few hours of hanging out with Jackie and her girls it was safe to say that Amelia had just made her very own friends. As awful as it sounds the girl had never really gotten close with anybody before, she always preferred to be alone after enduring years or ridicule during her middle school years. She didn't trust anyone enough to let them in, until Ashton. Once she had met the man of her dreams he seemed to brighten her up, she was much more willing to be an actual human once he showed her that happiness was something she could have. She owed him everything, if she had never met him then she never would have said yes to a study date with the girls and she never would have been able to experience anything fun. Once she got home the girl rushes into her brothers room with a smile on her face

"whoah whats up with you?" he asks, confused by her excitement 

"I made friends today"

"really? thats awesome Lia!"

"yeah" she replies smiling widely, she turns and makes her way over to the door

"Amelia" 

"yeah?" she asks turning back to face him

"hold onto whatever it is that's been making you so happy these past few weeks"

"I will" she nods before exiting the room and making her way into her own. It was nearly nine when she got home and the girl was tired, turns out social interaction was exhausting. Amelia proceeds to complete her night routine by showering, brushing her teeth, writing about the days events, and then opening her drawer and pulling out the bottle of pills. She pulls out one of the small white ones that was already cut in half and swallows it before placing them back in the drawer and hopping into bed. 

She waits for two hours for the meds to kick in and force her to sleep, however nothing happens. Her body was exhausted but her brain was not allowing her to sleep tonight, she frowns and rolls over onto her side staring at her desk drawer. After a few minutes on contemplating the girl remembers what her brother told her earlier 'hold onto whatever it is that's been making you so happy', if she couldn't sleep then she would not be able to see Ashton. She sighs and gets up from her bed and walks over to the drawer carefully pulling out the bottle once again, this was something she had to do in order to maintain the happiness in her life. As of now he was all she had, and he is more than worth it. A pill and a half wouldn't effect her too much, she figured that if things got too bad then she'd quit and find other ways to sleep peacefully. Amelia pops a full pill into her mouth and swallows it before getting back into bed, she waits a while before her mind slowly starts to drift off into peaceful sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

"Brooklyn get your brother and come down here" 

"whats up mom?" she asks as Kaden takes a seat across from their mother, she frowns and sits next to him

"I'm worried about your sister" 

"why?"

"because she is hardly ever home anymore and when she is the only thing she does is sleep" 

"she's experiencing life for the first time mom its normal" Kaden replies defending his sister, though he had wondered about her himself

"she isn't a normal girl though, she tried to commit suicide" 

"mom"

"its true, the doctors told me that to watch out for changes in behavior because its a sign that she might be-"

"Jesus mom just because she's having fun doesn't meant she's gonna kill herself" Brooke comments angrily ignoring the angry stare she gets from her mother

"Brooklyn"

"She's happy isn't that enough?" 

"its unlike her"

"thats because you constantly blame her for everything, she knows that you hate her for what happened with-"

"don't you finish that sentence Kaden"

"her entire life has been one trauma after another, why do you think she wanted to kill herself? I don't see the issue with her finally acting like a normal college student" He yells before walking out of the room, Brooke glares at her mother who was visibly feeling defeated before walking out of the room as well. The older woman is left alone with her thoughts, as selfish at it was she hadn't ever realized she was blaming her daughter for the death of her youngest. However she knew her daughter, her behavior was strange and she needed to figure out why. The woman gets up from her spot and walks up the stairs and straight into her middle child's room, she goes through every single drawer before finding the half empty bottle of sleeping pills.

-

"Jackie I can't believe you made out with that guy before we left" 

"I can, you were eyeing him all night"

"well what can I say, mama gets what mama wants" Jackie comments causing all the girls to laugh loudly. They were currently in the car on their way home from another party, it was their thing. They would party all weekend and they all loved it. Amelia had never done anything like that until the month prior, after she had met Jackie they all accepted her into their group. They hung out every single day and made her feel like she truly belonged, she had never realized how much she wanted to feel needed until then. She loved partying with the girls, it was a nice distraction from her fucked up life, she enjoyed dancing all night until she could barely move. They had even made her forget about Ashton, she no longer thought about him every second of the day. He would cross her mind occasionally and she missed him but she knew that there was nothing she could do to see him if it wasn't meant to be. Tonight they had gone to a party and danced all night long wits drinks in hand, however she had decided not to get too plastered and drank enough to get buzzed. She didn't need to come home and face her family completely drunk, she had been able to avoid them but for some reason her mother had been trying to talk to her more than usual lately. Amelia knew that she was worried about her behavior but she honestly didn't care, she wanted to live her life without having to be on suicide watch. As they pull up to her house the girls eyes widen when she spots her mother and father int he kitchen from the street

"oh shit you're about to get your ass beat"

"yeah probably" she comments 

"good luck babe, text the group chat later so we can make sure you aren't dead"

"I will" she says blowing them a kiss before shutting the door, she watches as they drive away before taking a deep breath and walking into her house.

"Amelia come here" her father says calmly, she mentally curses to herself before walking over and sitting down across from them

"where were you?"

"I was at a party" she says honestly, there was no hiding it she was wearing Jackies black dress and her hair was curled

"its 3 am"

"yeah"

"Amelia do you have no common sense?" her mother yells

"I don't know mom"

"clearly you don't! we have been worried about you all night and you couldn't bother to send a text?"

"I didn't think you cared enough"

"really? not this again Jesus" her mother yells 

"sorry mom did I offend you?"

"Amelia we need to discuss your recent behavior"

"why?"

"because you are out of control" 

"how do you figure?" she asks angrily, the girl was certainly not in the mood for another lecture on how she was acting

"what is this doing hiding in your drawer?" her father asks setting the pill bottle down on the tae in front of her, she gulps as her brain scrambles to find an excuse. They would institutionalize her if they found out why she really had them

"I have a hard time sleeping"

"since when?"

"I don't know" she says shrugging her shoulders

"Amelia are you aware of the consequences of mixing sleeping pills and antidepressants?" 

"no"

"well let me inform you, if you take these at the same time you could overdose"

"ok"

"ok? thats all you have to say? you could have killed yourself!" 

"but I didn't mom! I've been taking the recommended doses I'm ok!" she yells defending herself

"if you were ok you wouldn't have tried to kill yourself"

"shut up!"

"its true Amelia, you can't expect us not to be worried after what happened" her father comments trying to defuse the situation, they hadn't planned on fighting like this but clearly his wife had other plans.

"I'm not trying to OD I just want to sleep at night"

"oh Jesus listen to yourself, you've gotten addicted to them haven't you?"

"no"

"so you won't have a problem with me taking them then will you?"

"mom you can't do that! how am I supposed to sleep?" she asks angrily 

"I guess you'll have to figure that one out"

"you can't do this!" the girl pleads as tears fall down her face, that was her only way to get back to Ashton. She couldn't lose him, though she hadn't been back in a while the thought of no longer having the option to see him was sickening. 

"you need to get your life together, trust me one day you'll thank me for doing you this favor"

"fuck you" the girl mumbles before standing from the seat, she runs up the stairs and goes straight to her room. She strips out of the dress and puts on her PJ's before taking a seat at her desk, she pulls out her journal and rereads over her last entry, taking in the drawing of Ashtons face. Tears slide down her cheeks as right now she missed him more than ever.


	11. Chapter 11

It had been days since the horrid fight with her family, afterwords every person involved came out feeling bad about the way things went down. Amelia felt terrible for putting her parents through everything she had, they didn't deserve it but as much as the guilt weighed down on her heart she couldn't bring herself to refuse another invitation to a party for that night. Her father was upset that things were taken to an extreme level, he'd never been one for conflict. Lastly her mother was feeling like the worst mom in the world, she had no idea how to help her daughter so she resulted to anger instead. She never wanted to make Amelia feel the way she did but on the other hand she desperately needed her to know that her actions were dangerous and pills were not something to mess with. Both of the women wanted to apologize however neither knew exactly how, as both were coming from a place of believing they were doing what's best for themselves. Amelia had always let things slide in the past, she rarely stood up for herself but now things were different. She didn't need to take shit from anybody, she was trying to figure out how she fit into the world and nobody could judge the way she handled it. She liked partying, it allowed her to take her mind off of her own life and let loose for a bit. 

The girls had dragged her to another party and she had walked in feeling like the baddest bitch in the room, this was something she'd never experienced before but she loved it. The girls instantly made their ways to the kitchen where they made themselves drinks, trying to ignore the obvious stares from the boys. The night went by in a flash as Amelia found herself wasted and dancing with her girls in the blink of an eye. She wasn't sure how much time had passed when Jackie asked if they wanted to go downstairs and smoke, they all agreed and followed their friend. Amelia had never smoked before so she was a bit nervous as they handed her the dab pen, she took a few hits trying her best to inhale the smoke before coughing it out widely. They all break into laughing fits as she continues to cough her lungs out, the girl flips off her friends before handing it off. She had only taken a few hits and was feeling it majorly, she paid no mind to the fact that she had just fucked herself for the next morning, all she wanted to do was laugh and eat. Time slipped away from her as her head emptied of all coherent thoughts, she had no idea how she'd gotten into her friends car. The change of scenery allowed her to sober up a bit and looks around confused

"what the hell?" she asks 

"babe you passed out, don't worry we're on the way home now"

"ok"

"hang in there we're almost there"

"I might throw up" she comments leaning her head on Jackies shoulder

"just tell me and I'll pull over ok?"

"ok" she replies before closing her eyes and allowing her head to fall back against the seat.

"Amelia wake up!" a voice whisper screams in her ear, the girl groans and opens her eyes to find Kaden looking at her. He was currently holding her up on their front porch as her friends watch trying to make sure she got in ok, she smiles and blows them a kiss and watches as they get back in the car and drive away. 

"what the hell were you thinking?"

"what do you mean?" she asks as her eyes roll back, he sighs angrily and helps her into the house trying to be as quiet as possible. He helps her up the steps and into the bathroom where he sets her down in front of the toilet 

"you know what I mean! you're so lucky mom and dad are asleep otherwise you'd be literally murdered" 

"yeahhh"

"Amelia this behavior is unacceptable, I can't keep doing this for you"

"what this is the first time you've helped me"

"yeah this week, last week I had to help you in the house twice" he comments leaning back against the wall, she looks at him feeling herself getting sober and nods understandably. She didn't realize that her actions were not only affecting her, but her brother as well. She opens her mouth to apologize when her stomach curls and she instantly leans over emptying the contents into the toilet. Kaden watches sadly as she finishes and leans her head against the toilet

"you can't keep doing this" he comments before hauling her back to her feet, he brings her into her room and sets her down on the bed, tucking her in tightly. She watches as he grabs a chair and pulls it over to her bed taking a seat

"what are you doing?"

"I have to make sure you don't choke on your own puke" he says leaning back in the chair and getting comfortable. 

"I'm sorry Kaden, you shouldn't have to do this"

"Its ok, just get some rest we can talk tomorrow" he says, she smiles softly at his words and closes her eyes allowing sleep to take over. 

-

The next morning wasn't the best she'd experienced, the girl woke up with a pounding headache and the urge to throw up once again. Kaden had gotten her some 'hangover cures' which were able to get her out of bed and into the shower, once she washed off the previous night she felt much better. The guilt still weighed down on her, she had no idea Kaden was the reason she was getting inside safely, but it didn't surprise her as he'd always taken care of her. She knew that she needed to speak with her brother to repair any damage she'd caused with her behavior, so after she got ready for the day the girl knocks on his door. A few moments later he opens it with a blank face and gestures for her to come in, she takes a seat on the chair and runs her hands through her hair trying to think through what she wanted to say

"I see you're feeling better"

"yeah I am thanks to whatever you gave me this morning"

"its an old college trick I picked up"

"Kaden I wanted to come In here and apologize for my behavior"

"Amelia you were just trying to experience things I can't blame you for that"

"but I wasn't being smart, I was stupid and could have hurt myself" she replies as tears feel her eyes, he doesn't respond but rather nods

"I'm sorry for forcing you to continue to take care of me even after all this time"

"hey you don't need to apologize, I like taking care of people"

"I know but what I've been doing sucks and I promise not to do that as much anymore"

"thank you"

"no thank you" she says smiling softly before exiting the room, as she makes her way downstairs to make some food her phone buzzes she opens the notification to see Jackie texting the group chat 'party at Miles tonight?'. 

'what if we did something other than get fucked up?' Amelia sends

'like what?'

'what about the docs? today is supposed to be hot we could hang out and swim'

'that actually sounds so fun lets do it!'

-

"ladies if you ask me this is much better than partying" Jackie comments as they lay out on their towels trying to get vitamin D. The girls all hum agreeing with her words, Amelia smiles and rolls onto her stomach squinting as she spots a boat headed their way. 

"do you guys think there's any cute guys on that boat?" she asks, the girls all turn their attention to the boat

"thats an old rich man boat"

"whats wrong with old guys?" 

"they're wrinkly"

"yeah but clearly he has money" Jackie comments, the girls all turn to face her with shock written all over their faces. They all burst out laughing at her comment as the large expensive looking boat pulls into the dock, their giggles quiet down as they watch an older man work to die the boat up. They share a look knowing that they were right it was an older man driving the nice boat

"Jackie there's your man go get him" Amelia whispers, the girls laugh loudly as she receives the middle finger for her comment. Their laughter quiets down as a young man walks out from underneath the ship, his back was facing them but for some reason they could just tell he was gorgeous. They watch as he works with the older man they assumed was his father to dock the boat, after a few minutes he walks back up to the front of the boat directly across from them, they all practically drool as his shirt was unbuttoned enough for them to see his abs. His face was covered by sunglasses but Amelia couldn't help but recognize him, something was so familiar however she couldn't put her finger on it. The guy sends a wave over to them and she instantly blushes, she hadn't realized that she'd been staring the entire time he probably thought she was a freak. He turns and walks over to the dock and jumps down onto it going over to his father, she was unable to rip her eyes off of him. 

"Amelia you're drooling"

"what?" she asks horridly wiping her mouth, the girls laugh and she rolls her eyes

"thats a beautiful man right there"

"I agree"

"did you see those Abs?"

"look he took off his sunglasses, damn that boy is fine!" Jackie states, Amelia turns back around to see that he had in face removed his sunglasses, she gasps when she takes In his face. He looked exactly like Ashton, but by the time she had registered it the man had already turned around and begun walking away. She watches as they get into a Range Rover and drive away with wide eyes, that had to be Ashton right? Theres no way someone could look exactly like him and be a complete different person. This whole time she figured that he was just a figment of her dreams but now she began to wonder if maybe her dreams weren't so fake, was she being shown her life?


	12. Chapter 12

After Amelia had spotted Ashton she wasn't able to get her mind off of him, she had figured her subconscious made him up but now she wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't. She needed to find out once and for all what this was all about, she couldn't keep holding onto the chance that he did exist if it wasn't true. The thought of him not being real was enough to make the girl want to sleep forever, her mental health had improved but she wasn't miraculously cured, she still struggled with thoughts of suicide occasionally. As soon as she got home the girl went to her bedroom and fell into her bed, she prayed to anyone that would be listening to allow her to go to her dream land. She needed to see him now more than ever, being away from him all this time was heartbreaking and she couldn't stand it anymore. She sits in her bed for hours staring up at the wall trying her best to empty her thoughts and calm her body, however nothing seemed to work. Around nearly midnight she is able to finally drift off into sleep with the thought of Ashton on her mind. 

Though her sleep only lasts an hour at most and she hadn't been able to see Ashton, her eyes shoot open and she groans out of frustration. It was like someone was keeping her from going back and she was getting extremely upset, she wanted to see him more than anything in the world. After a few minutes she gives up on trying to fall asleep and grabs her laptop from her desk, she opens the safari tab and instantly searches his name into google. Millions of results pop up regarding Ashton Carter and nothing she could find revealed if he was real or not. Her heart begins to sink as she types in 'Doctor Ashton Carter', once again millions of results popped up but there was not a single mention of the one she was looking for. Turns our there was quite a few Doctor Carter's in Seattle but none where the love of her life. She began to type in everything she knew about him into the search engine with hope that he was really out there somewhere and her eyes hand't played tricks on her earlier that day. When the results become a dead end she types in the name of the hospital he worked at and searches through the active doctors, she scrolls for what feels like years until she comes across a doctor named Ashton, however this man was from England and had a different last name. As reality begins to sink in tears fill up her eyes, he was never real. She had made him up in her head because she was sick, she had problems and was stupid enough to believe there was someone out there that would actually love her. She had never felt this much pain in her life as she did in that moment, the weight was crushing her heart, she felt like she couldn't breathe properly. A million thoughts race through her head as she stumbles into the bathroom, she stares at her reflection in the mirror in disgust. 

"you're so stupid" she mumbles as tears stream down her cheeks, her eyes move up to the cabinet next to the mirror and she reaches out opening it revealing the medicine her mother had attempted to 'hide' from her. The bottle of sleeping pills was stashed in the back behind her antidepressants of all things, she reaches out and grabs them both with shaky hands looking at them. She knew that she'd been lucky before when she'd been taking both medications, she could have easily OD. The word repeats in her head over and over, overdose. Overdose. Overdose. She could do it, for real this time. She knew that she amount that would be most effective, it would be just like falling asleep and never waking up, this was her original plan all those months ago. Fall asleep and stay that way forever. The more she thought about it the more it seemed like the best option, she had nothing significant in her life to live for anymore. Any happiness her had was from Ashton, if she'd never met him then she never could have made friends of reconnected with her siblings. She owed everything to him, a fictional person that never existed. After staring blankly at the pills for a few more minutes she nods to herself and walks back into her room, she picks up her hydro flask and empty's half of the sleeping pills onto her hand before doing the same with her antidepressants. Without another thought she shoves the pills into her mouth choking a bit as she swallows them all, she drops the bottles on the ground along with the hydro and stumbles over to her bed. This was it, she would finally see an end to her life. Would she regret it? She wondered if she had possibly made the wrong decision as the pills begin to kick in, it was too late to regret it now.


	13. Chapter 13

Around seven in the morning everyone in the Sanderson family had made their way out of the house and began their day. None of them worried about the girl at the end of the hall as it was still early and she wouldn't be up for a while. However Brooke was starting to get annoyed as she wanted to start her day with Amelia. After everyone had gone to work the girl walks into her sisters room as worry had taken over. As soon as she opens the door a disgusting smell hits her nostrils causing her to scrunch her nose to rid of it. She walks over to the blinds and opens them allowing the light from the sun into the room, Amelia doesn't move an inch

"it stinks in here Lia" she comments, the girl walks around to the other side of the bed and frowns as her sister had the covers pulled over her head blocking her view. 

"how long are you gonna sleep? you should get your lazy ass up so we can do something fun" 

"Ok Amelia stop fucking around I wanna take advantage of the good weather" she says leaning her weight against the bed frame looking at her apple watch, it was supposed to be in the 80s today. After getting no reaction out of her sister she turns to walk out of the room when her foot brushes against something, she bends down to see two pill bottles that had been dropped by her desk drawer. One empty bottle of sleeping pills and her normal antidepressant medication. Horror rushes through her body as the girl realizes what was going on, she runs over to her sister and shakes her but cries as she sees no movement. 

"Amelia wake up!" she screams before ripping the comforter off of her body, Brooke screams when she takes in the sight of her older sister laying on her back with a pile of vomit surrounding her head. She instantly turns her sister onto her side and fumbles around looking for her phone, she calls 911 trying to calm down as tears flow down her cheeks. 

-

The sound of a child giggling causes Amelia to open her eyes, she sits up and looks around the room for the source but see's her bed is empty. Her eyes frantically search for the man she loved but his beautiful face is nowhere to be found. She had no idea how much time had passed, but it seemed to be quite a lot as she woke up in a nice house with a child crying rather than her apartment. The memories of her taking too many pills suddenly strikes her and she falls to the ground, she knew that this was it. One of two things would happen, she would either die and never be able to see this world again, or she would somehow survive and never be allowed near medication ever again. Both outcomes meant that she would be losing the love of her life. The truth starts to weigh down on her as she sits on the ground, this place had made her sick, she was drunk in love with the idea of a man loving her. But he wasn't real, and neither was this place, in that moment all of the happy memories she had with her friends and family flashed in front of her eyes. Tears fall down her face as she realizes that she could be happy on her own, she didn't need this dreamland to help her survive. Amelia had built herself a new life, it was messy sure, but it was hers. She didn't want to die, there was so much more to life that she hadn't even experienced yet, she was so stuck on Ashton that the thought of her real life meant nothing. Deep inside of her heart she knew that now was the time she needed to let this place go, it was for her own good. She wondered if somewhere there was a person watching over her, maybe that person sent her to this place to save her life. 

"hey don't worry I just feed him and he's playing with toys in his room" Ashton says walking into their room

"Ash I need to talk to you" 

"is everything ok?" he asks knelling in front of his wife looking at her full of concern

"yes for the first time in my life everything is ok"

"I'm glad baby" he says grabbing her hand

"and thats why I'm not gonna come back here anymore" she says standing up and looking at the pictures they had placed along the wall of their family sadly

"what are you talking about? you're leaving me?"

"its not what you think, Ashton this place isn't real and I've finally figured it out" she says walking over to him and grabbing his arms 

"Amelia you're scaring me" 

"I now know that life is precious, and its something you can't waste and thats what I've been doing my whole life. I haven't lived because I was too afraid to be seen, and you helped me realize that I can be happy and I can be loved" she says with tears filling her eyes

"baby please don't go" he begs pulling her into his arms and hugging her tightly 

"I know this is hard to understand but I think that someone above was watching me and they saw me struggling so they gave me this gift, they allowed me to escape from my reality into this beautiful perfect life every time I went to sleep and for a while it was my lifeline. I became addicted to this life and I hated waking up everyday, all I wanted to do was fall asleep so I could come see you. I started taking pills" 

"what the fuck Amelia? what are you even saying right now? can you even hear yourself" 

"Ashton what I'm trying to say is that this place isn't my only source of happiness anymore, I don't need to escape my reality. I have real friends who love me, and I'm getting along with my family, even school is going well. Listen I know this is extremely confusing and you think I'm crazy but I had to tell you, I had to say goodbye because you're the reason why I'm still alive and I will never be able to thank you enough for that. I never would have made it without you, but now I'm ok and I can do this on my own" she says 

Amelia holds him tightly as they fall to the floor, he was now full on crying and it broke her heart seeing him this way. But this is how it had to be, she couldn't rely on this place forever as it was too addicting. She had gone to extreme lengths to be here, and she had no idea if she was going to die because of it or not. "so this is what you want?" 

"yes" 

"then I wish you the best of luck" he says backing out of her arms and leaning against the wall next to her

"Ashton I love you so much" she says as more tears fall down her face

"I love you too, always" he says before his body disappears from next to her, she sighs and leans her head back again the wall letting out a loud sob


	14. Chapter 14

"it took you long enough" a voice calls out from down the hall, Amelia stands wiping her tears and shuffles to the hallway where she finds Beyonce standing wearing her iconic yellow dress. Her mouth drops in shock as she takes in the woman she had idolized since she was a little girl 

"Beyonce what are you doing here?" she asks trying to keep her composure, so much had happened within the last few minutes and her emotions were already all over the place she didn't know if she could keep it together 

"I'm here because you finally accepted your life"

"I'm starting to think that maybe you aren't Bey" she responds walking over to the woman

"you're right I'm not who you think, the person you're seeing right now is supposed to make you feel safe and calm while we talk" 

"who are you then?" 

"I'm someone who's been looking after you for a long time" she says grabbing the girls hand, she snaps her fingers and the pair are no longer inside of her house, they are now standing on a bridge that overlooks a beautiful lake

"where are we?" Amelia asks staring at the scenery in shock

"this is a small park that is only a 5 minute walk from your house"

"what I've never seen it before" she says shocked

"thats because you've never taken the time to appreciate the beautiful things in life"

"Beyonce? sorry can I call you that? " 

"call me whatever you please"

"was any of this real? or was it just a dream?" she asks turning towards the goddess who stood in front of her

"what you saw was a slightly altered version of your future"

"wait so it was real then?" she asks feeling her heart race

"yes"

"so Ashton?"

"is your soulmate" Beyonce says and she gasps and allows a big smile to take over her face at the thought of being with him in her real life

"but why show me this? won't that change everything?" she asks worriedly 

"It was not an exact copy of your future, but regardless if you had stayed on your path you never would have made it to him"

"what was gonna happen?" 

"you would have killed yourself 6 months later after your first attempt, now is that still something you plan on doing?"

"no"

"then why did you take the pills when you knew it was dangerous?" Beyonce asks 

"even though my life was good I wasn't ready to live without Ashton"

"why do you feel this place is no longer necessary?"

"because I don't need to come here to feel love, I have so much of it in my life. I can be happy on my own" she says 

"good, thats exactly what I needed to hear, now its almost time for you to wake up is there any last questions you have for me?"

"yeah just one more thing, why me?" she asks

"because you needed to see the truth about life, Amelia you're destined for great things"

"wow that means the world coming from you" she says smiling 

"of course" 

"can I hug you please?" Amelia asks pulling the woman into a hug, after a few moments they pull away and the girl looks up at her guardian angel.

"its time to wake up" she says before snapping her fingers


	15. Chapter 15

a year later

"I can't believe you drove my car here" Amelia says to her younger sister angrily 

"what did you want me to do? you literally passed out at target" 

"you could have just rode with us in the ambulance rather than drive my car illegally Brooke!" she says sitting in the uncomfortable hospital bed waiting for her doctor to come in and talk to her

"its not a big deal I drive with mom all the time"

"you're only 15 you can't just take my car-"

"good afternoon Ms. Sanderson my name is Ashton Johns and I'm your doctor" her head shoots up and she looks over to see the man she still hopelessly loved dressed in a doctors coat and glasses sitting on his nose. She has to hold back a gasp as she realizes that he was British and had a different last name, Beyonce had said that what she had seen was a slightly altered version of her future so this was not as big of a shocker. She was right all those months ago, it had been him at the docs. Seeing him in real life was unlike anything she'd ever imagined, he was even more beautiful than she remembered

"Hi" she says softly as he goes over her chart carefully, she smiles at her hands and looks up to him 

"ok so I understand that in addition to passing out you've had a high fever for the past week, you complained of joint pain and your brother informed me over the phone that you've had a severe rash on your cheeks is that correct?" 

"you seem a bit young to be a doctor" she says biting the inside of her cheek, remembering when Ashton had told her about their first meeting in her 'dream'.

"I have a young face but don't worry I've gone through all the proper training, you're in good hands Amelia" he says with a small smile, and her heart skips a beat as he says her name for the first time in a year. There hadn't been a day that went by where he didn't cross her mind, she missed him dearly

"I trust you, and to answer your question all of those symptoms are correct" she says causing him to look up from his paper and smile

"well I'm going to run a couple of tests on you to get a look at whats going on sound good?"

"yes it does" 

"alright well I'm gonna send a nurse in to take your blood and then we'll get it tested right away and go from there" he says pushing his glasses up and walking towards the door, as he walks she notices a certain Seahawks pin on his coat and frowns remembering his hatred of the Seahawks in her 'dream'.

"Doctor quick question before you go" she calls 

"yes?"

"you a hawks fan?" she asks

"ahh yeah I am, only American football team I watch, you a fan as well?"

"massive"

-

"he's totally into you" Brooke says with a smile 

"maybe" she shrugs with a smile spreading across her face

"I hope he likes you enough to figure out what the hell is going on, moms been texting me links to different diseases with your symptoms for the past hour" Kaden says rubbing his face 

"she worries too much" Brooke says popping her gum

"its because she cares" Amelia says pushing a piece of hair behind her ear as a knock at the door interrupts them and Ashton enters with a sad look on his face

"Amelia we have your test results back, they seem to confirm the thoughts I had earlier and I'm sorry to say that you have Lupus, now this is an illness where the body attacks its own immune system" 

"ok, so whats the plan" 

"well the first thing to know is that I'm gonna do everything in my power to get you through this" Ashton says sitting on her bed 

"I believe you" she says offering a small smile and look of determination 

"how are you so calm right now? isn't Lupus what Selena Gomez has? she almost died!" Kaden says standing up from his chair and pacing around the room

"I know that I'm gonna be ok because I have you all here with me" 

"you'll always have us" Brooke says grabbing her hand

-

After much convincing Amelia was able to convince her siblings to leave her alone for the night, she didn't need them staying in the uncomfortable chairs and waking up feeling miserable. She knew that she was going to be ok, not only was Ashton now in her life but she had her family in her corner as well. She shudders at the thought of her first time going through it in her 'dreams', but she knew that this time it would be much easier as it was real life and she was going to be just fine. 

"hey can I come in?" the familiar voice of Ashton says snapping her out of her thoughts

"yeah of course"

"I thought I'd check on you before I went home, do you need anything?" he asks

"no I'm ok thank you though"

"do you mind if I sit?" he asks 

"no not at all"

"listen I know that things like this can be scary but I want you to know that I'm gonna make sure you get through this" he responds

"thank you so much that means the world to me especially coming from you"

"sorry not to change the subject I just have to ask, have we met? you seem so familiar to me but I can't put a finger on it" he says

"only in my dreams Doctor"


	16. Chapter 16

4 years later 

"so Amelia how does it feel to be a best selling author?" her father asks from across the boat, the family was currently sailing on Ashton's beautiful boat she'd seen all those years ago. 

"its amazing, I never thought Dreamer would reach this level of success" she says smiling at the thought of her book she had written about her love story with Ashton

"we're so proud of you honey" her mom says 

"thank you mom" she says rubbing her 6 month pregnant stomach

"so Ashton how are things at the hospital?" Kaden asks wrapping his arm around his wife Jessica, whom he had met three years ago. She is an amazing woman and treats him right, they were both very happy together. She works as a chef in the city while he goes to school to finish his generals he planned to attend med school to become a nurse. He always had a nack for taking care of people.

"everything is great, I mean I've got a beautiful wife, baby on the way, and great food here how much better can life get?" Ashton says grabbing Amelias hand and kissing it gently as she laughs along with the rest of the family. They had gotten married a year after they met and had been madly in love ever since, as promised he helped her through all of her issues and she was now as healthy as she could be. They were both very excited for their son to arrive in the next three months, they had both dreamed of being parents for as long as they could remember, the time couldn't go by fast enough. 

"ok so lets go back to discussing names, I expect you to name him after me" Brooke cuts in, Amelia smiles at her sister who was now a senior in college and had grown 4 inches since she had driven her car to the hospital, she had also come out and Amelia couldn't have been more proud. She had received a full ride to Washington State and was doing quite well down there, she even had girlfriend named Emily who seemed like a sweetheart. 

"sorry but I'm not naming my son after you Brookie" she says 

"what about the middle name?" 

"no Brooke" she says laughing 

"well it was worth a shot"

"ok everybody I'd like to make a toast if you don't mind" Amelia says standing up 

"go for it darling" her mother says kindly

"as we all know these past four years have been rough for us all, but as we celebrate Christmas together as a family I'd like to say something that's been on my mind for a while now. As a teenager I didn't believe that life was worth continuing and I made a few dumb mistakes. But I was wrong, life is truly precious and we can't take advantage of it, I had to learn that the hard way. But ever since I accepted myself and my life I was able to live freely with less guilt and more happiness. Every single one of you was a major part in showing me that life is important and worth living so thank you" Amelia says smiling looking around at her family and feeling genuine happiness fill her heart.


End file.
